No, I’m not Pregnant!!

(Stop commenting on people’s bodies)

I’m gonna try not to get salty on this one. As a stressed, sleep-deprived working mom of 4 who is 10 months post-partum, I love nothing better than being asked by total strangers when I’m due or whether I’m having a boy or a girl. News flash: I’m not pregnant! Do I maybe look like I could be pregnant? Perhaps. Is it normal to wonder or make assumptions? Sure. Do I need to lose some weight? That’s for me to decide and share if I wish. Is it EVER ok to ask or comment if I haven’t announced that I’m pregnant? NO!! Talk about an awkward situation. It’s happened on my relief shifts (from clients and staff members alike) and at a party.

I usually just smile and plainly state that I’m not pregnant and then try to shift gears (if I’m working and have to keep talking to the offender) or get out of the conversation if I can. It hurts my feelings and makes me feel uncomfortable and self-conscious to be reminded that others are judging my body. One could argue it’s a sign that I need to make a change in my life or have thicker skin. And even though I know people generally mean well and are hoping to share in what would be a happy moment in my life if it were true, I would argue that it’s still a sign that others need to think before they speak.

The same goes for asking personal questions about when a woman will have a baby or have another baby. You never know what kind of struggle she may have endured (infertility, miscarriage, challenges in a relationship, traumatic birth experience, etc). Equally intrusive is the question about whether a pregnancy was planned. Unless a woman wishes to discuss her family planning, file it under none of your business. I’ve been asked this question by coworkers, clients and a dermatologist I just met who was not treating anything related to my pregnancy. In this last case, even the nurse on the case looked at the doctor was like, “really??”

And while we’re at it, let’s not comment on people’s weight gain or loss. We don’t know what the story is behind it. Even if we are trying to be very complimentary to someone who has lost weight and looks great, saying something may make them feel that they didn’t look good at their previous weight. Such a comment may also overlook someone’s physical or mental health challenges or stressful event that contributed to the weight loss.

But what if they bring it up? What if they are proud of their weight loss and the effort it took to get there? By all means, congratulate them on their effort, tell them they look great, and leave it there. No need for “You look sooo much better than before!” Even celebrities who are used to be photographed and very much in the public eye don’t like this type of scrutiny. See here for a story on Jonah Hill where he asks the public not to comment on his body at all, good or bad, saying it “doesn’t feel good.”

Going back to the pregnancy thing, let’s assume you’re right and I am indeed pregnant. What’s the harm in bringing it up? Maybe I’m not ready to discuss it publicly. Maybe I’m anxious because I lost a previous pregnancy to miscarriage. Maybe I’m struggling with the idea of this pregnancy for any number of reasons and not ready to talk happily about it. So always just wait for the pregnant person to bring it up, then offer your congratulations without any comments on how big or small she is (and don’t touch her belly without her permission!) I can think of multiple occasions where I was sure someone was pregnant, but I acted completely clueless until she told me so.

So just in case you only skimmed this article, I’ll say it again. I’m not pregnant! If I ever decide to chronicle my healthy journey/weight loss/etc, I’ll make that abundantly clear (but don’t hold your breath on that one!). Until then, let’s stick to animals and babies, k? Thanks!